What is Not Self Love

What is not self-love published in Holistic Bliss Magazine October 2019

So much is written around Self- love  I would like to share with you what it is not and my reason for sharing  this is that in my work helping women to step into their Powerful Self “through their own power” they have no idea as to what true Self-Love is  and the one key step which unlocks the door  to  journey of True Self Love .

Self Love

So let’s look at some behaviour being a Martyr (selfless behaviour) oh boy I had a master’s degree in this one.  Let us take a closer look at the behaviour pattern of a martyr.

Trying to fix and rescue everyone else. Taking on other’s stuff and doing it for them, taking responsibility for other’s behaviour and actions, sacrificing your own needs and pleasures for others and putting others before yourself.

Self Love

Then there is the shadow side of Martyr Behaviour (selfless behaviour) Selfish/helpless behaviour is often due to a need for self-protection or preservation, from fear of failing, being - abandoned, hurt, rejected or neglected, resulting in disconnectedness.

This shadow behaviour is the other party involved in martyr behaviour, as both sides of this behaviour need the other to exist.  Neither side is existing in or coming from a ‘place of self-love’.

There are of course many other behaviours which could go in here, but for this article, I am just sticking to these two.

I love seeing the expressions on my client's faces when we go through this it is like a light bulb has been switched on and so many then say to me Sandra self- love is not really about True Self Love is not just the fluffy bunny slippers and the odd massage.

You see when we carry the following emotions: of guilt, shame, regret, worthlessness, helplessness, self-loathing, apathy and numbness due to the following things which have happened in our lives

Stagnation, Abandonment, Physical, emotional abuse, abuse, rape self-harm and loathing, self-worth, dysfunctional relationships; with parents, siblings and co-workers.

Do you want to know what the key is to truly unlock the door and reclaim your Self-Love


Why should you forgive? Why even try?

Believe it or not, forgiveness is for you. It's not for the other person. It is one of the most self-centred and self-serving things you can do.  It is actually the greatest act of self-love you can do for yourself is to forgive yourself and others as this no longer shackles you to the past. 


We are all to learn the lesson of forgiveness 

Love yourself first without any guilt it is your birthright.  Shine your light far and wide be an example for all.

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