Written by Sandra Meehan first published 0ctober 2019 https://www.globalhealingexchange.com/forgiveness-is-a-form-of-self-love/.
Do you have a ball and chain around your ankle which shackles you to your past because you will not forgive?
Are you one of 99% of people on the planet who truly can not find it in their heart to forgive someone who has done them harm.
Believe it or not, forgiveness is for you. It's not for the other person. It is one of the most self-centred and self-serving things you can do.
Put another way, and if you genuinely love and respect yourself, you have to learn how to forgive. As if you choose not to the event and feelings are shackled to you like a ball and chain you can not move forward you will keep looking backwards. It keeps you trapped in the past like you are frozen in time...
It only becomes part of your past when you stop thinking about it or stewing on it, or you are no longer triggered by it.
It is not part of your past if you are stewing on it, and the more you think about how you were hurt, abused, neglected or otherwise harmed, the more vivid the hurt becomes. It burns inside you like a raging fire deep within you.
Buddha has a saying, the more you hang onto past pain, the more you hang on to that past pain, the more it flares up in your hands and continues to burn you deep down inside.
You owe it to yourself. Decide to forgive today. You have a much better life awaiting you!
Here are the most common reasons why you may have a tough time forgiving.
You believe that the person who hurt you doesn't deserve forgiveness.
What happened to you may have been unfair and uncalled for. It may have been very traumatic. The problem is, forgiveness is not about the other person. It has nothing to do with whether they deserve it or not.
You may refuse to forgive because you are consumed by revenge.
Thoughts of revenge keep the harm that you feel you suffered, alive. It continues to burn. Today. Right here. Right now.
Far from dampening your memories of pain, humiliation, abandonment, or abuse, thoughts of revenge make sure your bad memories burn bright hot. It is a fire that consumes you deep inside. The more you focus on it, the more this internal emotional and psychological inferno grows. It burns you, not the other person.
Wanting revenge only makes you change for the worse. Let go of vengeance and focus on something else more worthy of your attention.
You may refuse to forgive because they don't want to let their guard down.
Forget about "forgive and forget." That is a dead-end – figuratively and sometimes literally. You CAN be safe when you forgive. Just because you forgive doesn’t mean that you give the offender the green light to harm you again. There is another option: you can choose to forgive and remember.
This maybe your default action anyway.
Whenever you go through an experience, it's always a good idea to remember the lessons that experience brought. The pain that you went through is one of life's lessons. It doesn't have to consume you. Just remember its lessons so you can benefit from it.
Focus instead on picking up the pieces and making sure they don't continue to cut you.
You may refuse to forgive because you feel like nothing is going to change.
Certain parts of your life are already shattered because of this past act. Isn't it time for you to forgive and move on so that these fragments don't continue to hurt you today?
As already mentioned, this doesn't mean that you have to forget. Instead, this means that you have to learn from what happened and allow it to move you forward.
Learn from that situation and that person. Don't let the pain of that experience poison your other relationships or the rest of your life you have far better things waiting for you.
Want to know the 12 secrets to forgive then click on the link to download our free e-book. Click here